LIFE
by bnr848
Summary: Summary: At the end of every struggle, there is life. The story attempts to fill in some of the questions left unanswered.


LIFE

BNR848

 **Disclaimer: The publicly recognized characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plots are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**

 **Note: My medical knowledge consists of being able to apply a band-aid. So don't judge too harshly, it's a story not a medical journal entry.**

 **Summary:**

 _At the end of every struggle there is life._

 _The story attempts to fills in some of the questions left unanswered._

CHAPTER 1

The sound of a discharging ten millimeter Glock is unmistakable. It echoes and travels with a devastating resolute that jars the senses. Janet Rodriguez in penthouse two knew right away something was wrong at the Castle's. Within seconds, Eduardo started getting hurried calls at the front desk. Gunshots, loud bangs, all the calls were similar.

With over three hundred and thirty calls per minute, the NYPD dispatch center is a hub of fast paced, hectic energy. Butt dials, burglaries, hang-ups, and hold-ups, they handle them all. Grace Jackson has been an NYPD dispatcher for twenty-three years, and there is nothing she hasn't heard. The calm in the eye of the storm, dispatchers are the lifeline between those that need help and the help itself. Their primary job, information. When the call centers normal hurried pace changes to frantic, everyone knows someone's life is in the balance.

The calls started coming in at eight twenty four in the morning. Residents reporting loud bangs, maybe gunshots. A neighbor across the hall states she definitely heard gunshots, she knows her neighbor Kate is a cop, they need to send help, and she is too scared to leave her apartment.

"Stay in your home, away from the door or any windows, police are en route," explains the call taker.

"911 where is your emergency?" a calm Grace answers.

"425 Broome Street, penthouse one. Listen an NYPD Captain lives there, Beckett, you know, Niki Heat?" Eduardo rapidly reports.

Eduardo did not need to add details, the minute Grace typed in the address it beckoned with NYPD personnel information. Grace typed in the call alerting units from the Seventh Precinct, signal ten-thirteen; officer needs assistance. The cavalry was on its way, but she needed to get as much information as possible.

"Sir, are you with Captain Beckett?" inquired Grace.

Eduardo was just rounding his desk, heading towards the elevator, emergency key in hand. "No, I'm on my way up now…" he managed with a gasp.

Grace was frantically typing and issuing alerts, she was sending the world. In a few minutes, Broome Street would be crawling with members of the NYPD and FDNY.

"Sir, we need you to stay where you are. Units are on the way, wait for the officers," commanded Grace. "Sir, what's your name? Did you hear the gunshots? Is anyone hurt? Did you see what happened?" Grace inquired in quick succession.

As she listened to Eduardo she sent a message to another dispatcher, "Contact twelfth precinct ask if Beckett is there. Advice we have shots fired at her home."

Units were dispatched within ten seconds of Eduardo's call. Responding officers knew the address well, Castle has always had an open door policy. During holidays, anyone on duty has a standing invite for a good meal, comfy chair, and a clean bathroom.

The average response time for NYPD is nine minutes, today the world is descending on Broome Street at record speed. Four minutes after hearing the call, Officers Alberto Jackson and Steven Mathers skid to a stop in front of 425 Broome Street, a frantic Eduardo flagging them down. As they rush in, three more units are rounding the corner. In the distance, the unmistakable sirens of the FDNY can be heard. When Grace Jackson hears her son take an arrival at the scene her heart felt relief and worry all at once. She uttered a silent prayer for everyone.

CHAPTER 2

There's a reason bars are kept dark, thought Esposito. Seven thirty in the morning and he and the gang are strolling into the precincts local watering hole. Choir practice is in full swing. Once the first round is poured and the clinking of the glasses heard, the collective sigh can be detected all around. The conversation is easy, with good humored insults and jabs, the atmosphere relaxed and jovial. Hayley and Alexis have joined them, at eased that the nightmare is over and everyone is safe. Life is good. A second round of scotch is served, this one to be sipped and enjoyed.

Ryan's cellphone is the first to ring, "Probably Jenny, looking for you," mocks Esposito.

He hasn't finished his remark when his phone goes off too. They're both heading out the door full steam, Ryan yelling at Hayley, "Take Alexis back to the precinct. Stay there, we'll call you."

Alexis picked up her phone as Haley grabs her elbow, directing her out towards the precinct, Vikram and Lanie closely behind. She dials her dad, no answer, she tries Kate, still nothing. She can feel it in her bones, somethings wrong, something is very wrong.

The Charger is barreling towards Kate and Castle's address. It's close to nine in the morning, the height of rush hour traffic. His foot is not even touching the brake pedal, they better move out of his way or he'll move them. They have their radios tuned into the Seventh Precinct, they can hear the arriving units, the dispatcher frantically updating information. The world is descending at the loft, but Esposito and Ryan feel helpless.

Vikram and Lanie leave Hayley and Alexis in Kate's office. News has spread and the looks are undeniably those of dread. Lanie grabs Karpowski and gets an update. They don't have much, calls of shot's fire, units just arrived, they know as much as she does.

Jackson and Mathers grab the key from Eduardo, screaming perimeter points to arriving units. They don't know what they have, but they know it's not good, they can sense it. They exit the elevator guns drawn, an eerie silence engulfing them. Carefully approaching the door, the unmistakable smell of gunpowder hits them hard. Inserting the key, unlocking and flinging the door open, they can see the bodies' supine by the kitchen. They approach, keeping sight of the open areas, Jackson bends down as Mathers provides cover. The one by the stove is DOA, no pulse. A few steps away he can see Captain Beckett and Castle. He rushes over and checks.

"I have a pulse," he breathlessly utters.

Grace Jackson can hear the desperation in her son's voice, "Officer down, officer down!"

Officers start arriving, they clear the loft, no one else is inside. Jackson and Mathers are bent down talking to Beckett and Castle rendering what little help they can.

"Hold on Captain, helps on its way," a helpless Mathers promises.

They know time is crucial, Mathers located a pulse on Castle and it's steady, but Captain Beckett looks really bad.

"We need a bus, now!" Jackson once again screams into his radio. "We have two down, E.T.A.? E.T.A.?" He knows it's probably been less than a minute since his last transmission, but it feels like an eternity.

Broome Street is blanketed in emergency vehicles, the building is locked down, the area sealed off. The elevator has been set to express, no stops between the lobby and the penthouse. Officers make way for arriving EMS units, escorting them up at breakneck speed.

"These are our people," a leering Lieutenant informs them. The paramedics go into immediate lifesaving mode.

It's bleak, Jackson can see it in the medics face. Before long four paramedics and two EMT's are frantically working on both Beckett and Castle.

"We got to move, we'll stabilize her as we go," the senior medic orders.

Esposito and Ryan are still minutes away, they know by the frenzied radio traffic things are grim. They can denote the fear and helplessness in the arriving officer's voice. Traffic is gridlocked, precious moments that Castle and Beckett don't have. Ryan grabs his phone and calls Deputy Commissioner Gates.

"Detective Ryan, I'm on my way," Gates answered.

Ryan lays out his plan. "Beckett and Castle can't wait, _NYPD_ ESU _Medical helicopter can transport them faster. We can clear the intersections, it's four blocks to Bloomingdales. Sir, it's their best chance," implores Ryan._

 _"_ _Get it done detective," was all Gates said._

 _Within seconds Ryan has reached the_ ESU _Medical helicopter station, they're already in flight, having heard the initial call; ETA to Bloomingdales, three-minutes. Dispatch contacts Bloomingdales they are all in. The store opens at ten, but they will hold doors closed as long as needed. Security is waiting for them at Broadway, freight elevator will transport them to the roof._

 _They try to stabilize Beckett who is bleeding profusely. Her pressure is dropping, vitals are weak and irregular, and they can barely feel a pulse. Speed is of the essence, they need to get to New York Presbyterian sooner than soon._

 _"_ _Hold on Captain, we got you, hold on," implorers the lead medic._

 _As they exit onto Broome, dispatch advises, "_ ESU _Medical helicopter, loading zone established, roof top Bloomingdales off Broadway, ETA two minutes."_

 _This could be the miracle they need. Although two miles away, New York Presbyterian would be at least a twenty-minute drive in this traffic; twenty minutes Captain Beckett could not spare._

 _Ryan and Esposito pull up as they're loading Beckett and Castle into the EMS ambulances._

 _Esposito throws his keys at a nearby uniformed officer, "Take care of it, Esposito twelfth precinct," he bellows as he climbs in with Beckett._

 _One look and the medics know better than to question him, "She's my sister," he barks._

 _Ryan rushes towards the second bus as they're loading Castle. No words are exchanged, this is family and it's clear._

 _The four block drive to Bloomingdales is effortless, traffic has been managed and a path cleared for them. They are being escorted by wailing NYPD patrol units._

 _"_ _Castle, hold on buddy, you're going to be okay, you're both gonna be okay," whispers Ryan._

 _His pressure is dropping, his respiration is shallow, paramedics are pushing meds and fluids, they're doing everything they can. The four blocks feel like forty, but as they pull in front of Bloomingdales' loading area, they hear the_ whirring _rotors of the helicopter descending._

 _It's only when they all pack into the freight elevator that Ryan sees Kate. She's pale beyond belief, blood pooling around her and the worried look on the medic's face translates into further anxiety. Esposito and Ryan are silent; both men of faith, prayers are their solace._

 _Two medics, Espo and Ryan climb into the chopper with the crew. New York Presbyterian is minutes away._

 _Espo pulls out his cell phone and texts Hayley, "Bad. Get Alexis to NY Presbyterian NOW!"_

 _He takes a breath and calls Lanie. Ryan calls central dispatch and has a unit pick up Martha, they need to get her to the hospital._

 _The three minute flight gives the trauma unit time to set up. Doctors and nurses are anxiously awaiting on the landing pad. Reports are not promising. No sooner has the chopper landed than the doors are opened and a fury of activity surrounds them. Paramedics are barking information as doctors scream out orders. Movement is fluid, gurneys are swiftly guided towards the elevator, everything's in motion. Ryan and Esposito stand on the roof-top, watching as the staff works with fervent resolve. The hover of the departing helicopter is a faint reminder of the urgency at hand._

CHAPTER 3

"Cross and match people, cross and match, six units stat, we're going to need lots of blood! Get me CBC, ABG, and urinalysis,"

Monitors are beeping, wires are being connected and not a second is wasted. Beckett and Castle are turned and examined as the remainder of their clothing is cut off. The elevator has yet to reach their floor but the pace never lets up as orders are given and action taken.

As the elevator doors open the head of Emergency Medicine, Dr. Carol Wilson is directing this orchestrated dance.

"Put him in Trauma One, she goes in Trauma Two. Now, what do we have people?"

A top trauma surgeon with two decades of experience, this is not Carol Wilson's first rodeo.

The lead paramedic answers, "Unresponsive white male, early forties, one GSW to the chest. We have an entry but no exit. Pressure is dropping, respiration is rapid and shallow."

Dr. Peter Grayson, new to the trauma team at New York Presbyterian has learned fast, and Carol Wilson has been at the helm of that knowledge. In trauma you have to think on your feet, call them as you see them, prepare for the worst and hope for the best. Sometimes guesswork is part of the equation. The teams separate and continue the struggle to keep Beckett and Castle alive.

 **TRAUMA ONE:**

Bare-chested, a deceiving trickle of blood flowing from his upper right chest area, Castle lays motionless as the bevy of doctors and nurses go about the business of saving his life. Grabbing a laryngoscope and endotracheal tube, a seasoned resident confidently goes about intubating the patient. Dr. Wilson calls for a CT scan, ultrasound, x-ray and echocardiogram. Personnel and machines are in sync, already anticipating the orders. The paramedics have done a good job of dealing with the sucking chest wound, but that is a band-aid to the multitude of issues present. Years of experience and her stethoscope tell her she's dealing with a collapsed lung, as well as air and blood pooling in his chest cavity, not to mention a multitude of collateral damage. As she inserts the needle she can feel it, this is going south and it's heading there fast. Time is both friend and foe, Carol Wilson knows there is none to spare.

"People, pack and go, pack and go, O.R. three, stat."

There's no brake in the process as a nurse pulls a sheet over a naked Castle for the hurried push to the operating room. While others place monitors and equipment around him, an intern continues to press on the bag-valve ventilator, providing much-needed oxygen to Castle's struggling body **.**

 **TRAUMA TWO:**

There's blood everywhere. Exposing the area just hastens the activity in the room. Kate's been hit twice, Caleb Brown's aim accurate.

"We have two GSW's, one to the upper right pectoral region, the other to the lower right quadrant, pressures dropping quick… Jesus, who is this women?" exclaims an astonished Peter Grayson once he sees the scars on Beckett's chest.

Head nurse Jeff Newsome still remembers the pretty detective that years ago flat-lined more than once in his E.R. Yet, against all odds, she survived; he prays she's that lucky once again.

"She's a cop," was all he blurted.

In synchronized rhythm, monitors are connected, they intubate, increasing her respiration, and pump blood and drugs into her. As fast as they pump blood, it floods out, Dr. Grayson frantically working to stem the flow. She has one exit wound, a round still inside. Penetrating trauma of this sort can create havoc internally, so many organs to deal with, so much damage. She's hypotensive, tachycardic, her abdomen is distended, and her pulse pressure is very low; time is not on their side. They step back as an x-ray is taken, precious seconds ticking away.

"Okay people, we're doing this right here."

Grayson grabs a surgical tray, peeling back the sterile film. Scalpel in hand, he cuts.

CHAPTER 4

No sooner had the helicopter landed than the Emergency Room of New York Presbyterian was overran by NYPD. Like an invading army, dozens of officers, uniformed and plain-cloth converged upon the hospital. A siege of sorts was taking place.

The front desk clerk, having witnessed this scenario playout before knew an officer was down. With no information available, Eugene Palmer braced himself. Eugene walked around his desk and approached the highest ranking officer he could find.

"Captain, allow me to direct you to our surgical waiting room. I will arrange for it to be reserved for the family."

Panic covered the face of the wide-eyed volunteer, as Eugene added "Rebecca, take care of the front desk, I'll be right back."

With that, Eugene grabbed the portable in-house phone, motioned for Captain Henderson to follow him and dialed the ER.

Officers stand, single file, taking posts as Eugene walked towards the private waiting area, closely followed by Captain Henderson. There would be no breach of security, no one was getting through.

As the influx of NYPD personnel continues to arrive, a somber Deputy Commissioner Gates walks into the Emergency Room. The change is immediately noticeable, as every officer straightens up a bit more, and spines go rigid. Victoria Gates has made her presence known. She zeros in on Rebecca behind the front desk.

"Captain Beckett and Mr. Castle, where are they?" she demands.

She sees Esposito and Ryan exiting the stairwell and walks away, a relieved Rebecca exhales. She can gage the seriousness of Castle and Beckett's condition by the look on Esposito's face. The epitome of calm and steady, he is ashen, his normal steely gaze far and distant.

No words are exchanged between the three, sometimes silence does speak louder than words. Gates' driver approaches, clears his throat interrupting the paralyzing calm.

"Sir, Captain Henderson is with the hospital staff in a reserved area. They have an update."

In an uncharacteristic move, Gates grabs Esposito's hand, squeezes it and nods. "They're fighters," she utters in an unconvincing whispered.

L T has made it to New York Presbyterian in a time frame that would rival any Daytona 500 qualifying heat. The car is still in motion when Hayley flings open the door. Alexis and Lanie, occupying the backseat normally reserved for offenders cannot open the doors, and must wait to be let out. As she exits the car Alexis' knees buckle, L T makes a quick save and holds her up. The driveway is covered with NYPD vehicles, officers surrounding the ER entrance, an eerie silence blanketing the area. She wants to run but can't move. L T takes hold of her, wraps one arm around her waist, the other on her shoulder and guides her inside.

Once inside she rushes to Espo and Ryan, letting out an unmistakable cry. Esposito leads the group to the waiting room, following the cadre of officers marking the route. Ryan stays behind waiting for Martha. Ten minutes later, an immaculately dressed, but pale looking Martha calmly walks into the ER, politely thanks the officer escorting her and moves towards Ryan.

"Detective, is my boy dead?" she asks in undeniable Martha fashion.

A somber Ryan takes Martha by the hand, softly adding, "I don't know."

Sitting in the waiting room, time ticks by at painfully slow intervals. Kate's father arrives forty-five minutes later, having been pulled over by New York State troopers, as he headed to his cabin. Still wearing his fishing vest, he heads straight towards Martha and Alexis, cocooning himself in this nucleus that is his new family.

"I'm too old for this Martha," he says with tears in his eyes.

The initial report was vague at best, void of any real information. Castle had been shot once in the chest, Kate twice in the lower abdomen. They were both critical. Castle was in surgery; information on Kate was less clear.

Vikram and Tori found the group two hours later. They beckon Esposito and Ryan over, an inquisitive Hayley following. "Any news?" asked Tori. The group shook their heads, having no information to add. They walk outside the door, waiting for Vikram to explain why he had called them over.

"Son of a bitch, Caleb Brown had a mole in the Analysis and Technology division of the CIA. They breached the Medical Examiners network. That's how they changed the DNA results to throw us off Caleb."

Esposito steadied himself, unconsciously grabbing at the butt of his sidearm. "Are they in custody?" he demanded through clenched teeth.

"Yes, the feds have him and several others in custody," added Tori.

Still standing in the hallway, the group's attention is drawn by the dinging of the elevator. Several suits, smelling of CIA or the sorts exit and start walking towards the waiting room.

"Where the hell do you think you're going?" hisses Esposito, flanked by a wall of NYPD officers.

Hearing the commotion, Deputy Commissioner Gates excuses herself and walks outside.

The oldest of the men approaches, extending his hand and introducing himself, "Special Agent Jeremiah Parsons, Homeland Security."

Gates smirks, rebuffing the handshake gesture. "Victoria Gates, Deputy Commissioner. Now, what can I do for you?" inquired Gates, as the group of officers surrounded them.

They walk down the hallway, Ryan and Esposito following. Victoria Gates is not amused.

"Ma'am, we understand Caleb Brown is dead, shot by one of your officers. We're sorry to hear your people were wounded. However, one of our systems was breached a few hours ago, and it appears it came from an NYPD server. We were told those that hacked the system are here. We need to talk to them."

Gates took one step, tilted her head slightly up and stared directly into Agent Parsons eyes.

"It's sir, not ma'am and unless you want to spend the night in one of the NYPD's finest holding cells, I suggest you all turn around and leave. Any breach was conducted under direct orders of One Police Plaza, the Commissioner, the Mayor, and I'll throw in the Governor for good measure. Those officers answer to us and the residents of the great State of New York and it will be a cold day in hell before they answer any of your questions. So what's it gonna be?" It was all said in one breath.

Gates was having none of it. Their lack of oversight had enabled LokStat, a.k.a. Mason Wood to corrupt an entire system, creating a network of heroin smugglers with tentacle's all the way to Washington D.C. One man had for decades gone undetected, growing an empire of fear, corruption and murder, they could not take the high moral ground now.

Unbeknown to Gates, the Police Commissioner had arrived and was standing directly behind her. His baritone voice suddenly echoed, "You heard the lady."

Parsons tipped his head, adding, "We'll be in touch."

Esposito lunged at Parsons as he walks pass, but is restrained by Ryan and L T.

CHAPTER 5

No news was good news, was their mantra. Alexis wept and had pushed herself to the point of exhaustion. Martha embraced her granddaughter, the gesture somehow making her feel closer to her son. Jim paced back and forth, sometimes walking out into the hallway to thank the many officers present.

Twice nurses appear with updates, Castle was still in surgery, and critical. Information on Kate remains minimal. At two in the afternoon, Officer Ann Hastings and her husband Paul show up, drinks and sandwiches in tote. Kate Beckett has been a good friend to Ann Hastings, and both she and her husband are forever indebted to both Beckett and Castle.

At three-forty-five an exhausted Peter Grayson slowly walks towards the waiting room. The line of waiting officers gives him the feeling he's walking the gauntlet. He pulls his surgical cap off as the entire room stands to meet him.

"Family of Katherine Beckett?" a weary Grayson inquires.

Jim, Alexis and Martha approach. Grayson has them sit and joins them, this is going to take a while.

"I'm Doctor Grayson, I operated on Captain Beckett."

Jim introduces himself, Alexis and Martha. He takes a deep breath as Grayson outlines the injuries and procedures performed.

"Ms. Beckett suffered two gunshot wounds. One round went through and through, rather amazing and lucky. Damage was limited to mostly muscle tissue and a cracked third rib in her pectoral area. However, the second shot struck her liver. These were hollow point bullets, they expand like a mushroom when they make contact, so they create extensive damage. The second round ripped through the lower right lobe of her liver, fragmenting and nicking the cystic artery and her colon. We performed a sub-segmental resection of the right, inferior-posterior segment, in short we had to remove part of her liver. We also had to remove her gall bladder. Repairs were also made to the cystic artery, colon and other small vessels within the liver. If all goes well her liver should regenerate in a span of eight to twelve weeks. Frankly, with the amount of blood loss, that she made it to the hospital is a miracle in and of itself. Let me tell you, this is one lucky woman."

A somber Jim Beckett attentively listens, as he notices the splatter of what he is sure is his daughter's blood on the hem of Grayson's pants.

"I'm keeping her in CICU. She's still in critical condition, and with her medical history and past heart trauma, there are concerns. I will be at the hospital throughout the night to keep an eye on her. Allow me to say, that's one tough cookie." Grayson stood, shaking hands with both Jim and Martha.

Martha thanks him, adding, "Katherine is a Castle, and we Castle women are a resilient bunch."

Before letting go of Grayson's hand Jim Beckett inquires, "Do you have any news on my son-in-law?"

Grayson shakes his head, promising to send someone with an update. Grayson turns and once again walks through the legion of waiting officers, this time, however, he is greeted by pats to his back.

The stream of officers, brass and city officials is continuous. Gates plays interference when possible, even Perlmutter is lending a hand. The Mayor arrives shortly after four, meeting with Jim, Martha, and Alexis. Having dropped off her kids at her sister-in-law's, Jenny joins them for the duration. Gina and Paula stop by, tears overtaking them both.

Jim and Martha update those waiting, providing what information they have received from Grayson. Alexis silently sit's in the corner, surrounded by Ryan and Esposito, still confident, no news is good news.

It's six-thirty when she walks out of the Cardiac Intensive Care Unit. Sweaty and tired, but partially confident in the job she and Dr. Asad have performed. No fool, as Carol Wilson ran through that hallway with Richard Castle's life in her hands, she knew this would require more than just her. Lucky for all, Edward Asad, one of the top cardiothoracic surgeons in the country was her colleague and friend, but most important working this morning. It had taken both she and Dr. Asad along with a team of dedicated professionals over nine hours, but Richard Castle was still alive.

They've lost all sense of time. The ticking minutes now turn to hours. Lanie has tried to get Alexis and Martha to eat something, but everything brought to them is rebuffed. Still coiffed within an inch of perfection, Martha's face had aged a decade. Jim Beckett has logged in a marathon while pacing between the waiting room and the hall. No more the confident young woman, Alexis mirrors a scared, lost child.

Before she leaves CICU, she takes one last look at his chart. Still on the ventilator, Richard Castle has a long road ahead of him, a road not yet guaranteed. His vitals are steady, his color returning, countless machines are beeping and recording every action in his body. Richard Castle cheated death today, and she prays he can cheat it just a bit longer. Carol Wilson heads towards the waiting room.

The mood around the waiting room is much less frantic than it was earlier, but still thick with tension and worry. Esposito is just walking back with coffee when he spots the doctor exiting the elevator. He immediately recognizes Carol Wilson as the doctor on the helipad, and practically tosses the coffee at a nearby uniformed officer. Just steps behind her, he makes his way towards the waiting room, he can feel the silence consume the area.

"Richard Castle's family?" Wilson inquires.

Martha is frozen in place. Alexis who was sitting with Lanie squeezes her hand and will not let go. Dr. Wilson walks towards Martha, Jim, and Alexis and takes a seat.

"I'm Dr. Carol Wilson, Chief of Emergency Medicine, my colleague Dr. Asad and I operated on Mr. Castle."

"Is he alive?" a tired and worried Martha softly ekes out.

One mother to another, Carol Wilson can see the utter despair in Martha's eyes. Dr. Wilson takes Martha's hand, looks at Alexis and add, "Yes, he's in CICU."

Martha and Alexis cry with relief as Jim Beckett, with tears in his eyes quietly thanks the doctor. She gives them a few moments to gather themselves and begins the long arduous explanation of his injuries and surgery.

"Mr. Castle was shot once in the chest. When he arrived he had air and blood in the chest cavity and his breathing was compromised. He went into cardiac arrest on the way to the O.R., but we managed to get him back. The bullet entered about three centimeters above the right nipple. It's a devastating region and unfortunately, the bullet caused extensive damage. He suffered a tear in the pericardium, and a collapsed right lung. The bullet hit his third and fourth rib, the round punctured his lung and fragmented. Some fragments traveled and punctured his right atrium and right coronary artery. There was a small nick to his small cardiac vein as well." Dr. Wilson can see they are overwhelmed. She takes a breath and continues.

"Dr. Asad performed the repairs to the coronary artery and right atrium. We also had to surgically repair the lung. We encountered some difficulties locating the damage to the small right cardiac vein but we trust we found and fixed all the damage. He's on a ventilator, and in very critical condition; the next forty-eight hours will be pivotal. We are keeping him heavily sedated, and will do so for the next few days. We need him to heal, and this is the best way. I don't mind telling you, he gave us quite a scare, but he always fought back. Dr. Asad will be monitoring him throughout the night, and I will check on him in the morning."

"Can we see him?" a timid Alexis asks.

"Both he and Captain Beckett are in CICU, you can go see them, but just for a few minutes. A nurse will come down to escort you."

As she turns, Martha embraced her, softly whispering "thank you."

A few minutes later a nurse walks in, ready to escort them to CICU. Lanie has told them what to expect, the description, not a pretty one. Esposito will go with Jim to see Beckett, Alexis and Martha will visit Castle.

Alexis and Martha hold on to each other as the nurse uses her keycard to gain entry into CICU. The area has approximately twenty glass-walled rooms in a square formation, with the nurse's station in the center. The nurse comes to a stop in front of room four and points them in.

Alexis gasps, as Martha places her hand over her mouth restraining a sob. There, in front of them, an unrecognizable Castle lays in a cold hospital bed. Connected to a ventilator, with drains, wires, IV's, catheters and monitors plugged into every part of his body, he is pale and sullen. His vibrate blue eyes are closed, his chest rising and falling to the rhythm of the ventilator.

Alexis has never seen her father like this, to her he's always been a strong, zany hero, not a helpless wounded soul. Tears stream down her face, as she softly bends and kisses his cheek whispering, "We're here daddy. We love you."

Martha tenderly covers his right hand, bends and kisses the exposed skin. "Richard, you're gonna be fine. I love you, kiddo…"

Two doors down, an exhausted Jim Beckett enters his daughter's room. Javier recalls seeing her after her first shooting, and he takes solace in the fact she looked slightly better. The nurses have informed them she'll sleep through the night but should be conscious in the morning. Dr. Grayson has instructed she remain in CICU for twenty-four hours, but if all goes well she'll be move tomorrow.

All too soon the nurse returns apologetically advising them they must leave. Martha asks for a few moments to see her daughter-in-law and walks over to see Kate. Kate has no ventilator but is hooked up to monitors and IV's, she can see her bandaged shoulder and the drains from her abdomen.

She stands next to Jim who is beside her bed, bends down and murmurs, "Katherine, Richard needs you, so you better get well soon." Martha bends down and places a kiss on Kate's forehead.

On their way out, Jim stops in and see's Castle. His heart skips a beat when he sees his vibrant son-in-law so incapacitated. Jim takes a breath and quietly says, "Rick, son, you have to pull through this, you're the only one that can control that daughter of mine. We're here son, you just get better."

A few steps behind him Javier Esposito can barely contain his emotions. He's been in battle, and has seen his share of dying men, Richard Castle is hanging on by a thread.

The silence is deafening. As they walk back to the waiting room, they know Castle is in very critical condition. They could sense the urgency of every move taken by the nursing staff while they visited.

The hospital provides a hospitality suit for Martha and Alexis. Around eleven-thirty Jim agrees to let Ryan and Jenny drive him home. The multitude of officers does not lessen, as one officer leaves another soon takes their place.

Two in the morning but sleep will not come. Martha sits reflecting on the events of the last twenty-four hours, dread still clouding her mind. Alexis sleeps, finally having passed out shortly after one o'clock. Richard did not look well, she was no fool; her son was teetering between life and death. Martha Rogers was no pansy, she's survived her share of heartache, but nothing came close.

CHAPTER 6

The sounds are so far away, but the pain is so close. Castle, she has to get to Castle… Before she can get another coherent thought she's out, the morphine drip taking effect.

Throughout the morning Martha, Jim and Alexis visit for short periods of time. Kate has had a restless night, Grayson has kept her sedated. He has now lowered the morphine dosage and would like someone there when she wakes.

It is so peaceful, she can sense the weightlessness and warmth around her. She can feel Castle's hand in hers, they are together. Gradually the warmth is slipping away, slivers of light are creeping in and the peaceful silence is being interrupted.

"Captain? Captain? I need you to open your eyes for me," Dr. Grayson commands, as he bends over prying open an eyelid.

Slowly she starts fighting back, back against Grayson's intrusion. She attempts to raise her hand but the sharp pain draws her arm back.

"Captain, you've had surgery and I need you to stay still," Grayson orders.

Her eyes open, she looks around and sees her father. She focuses and the realization of what's happened hits her.

"Castle!" it's spoken in a horsed, anxious tone, the urgency reflected in the beeping monitors.

"Easy Katie, it's alright, Rick's alright," whispers Jim Beckett.

Tears are streaming down her face, the pain both physical and emotional overtaking her.

It takes them a while to get her clam. Her heartrate and breathing return to normal, and she no longer requires restraining.

"Castle?" she pleas.

"Katie, you need to stay calm, Rick is okay," Jim Beckett implores.

Kate continues to shake her head as tears roll down her cheeks. She doesn't believe him. She remembers, she remembers Rick on the kitchen floor, not moving, shot by Caleb Brown.

"Caleb?" she gasps, as her heartrate spikes once again.

"Caleb Brown is dead. It's over, he's really dead, everyone is safe," assures Jim Beckett, as he brushes the hair from her face.

"Captain, you need to be still. If you don't I will have to sedate you, we can't have you pulling your sutures. Do you understand?" explains Grayson.

Kate nods inhales deeply and turns her face towards her father. The look tugs at his heart.

Grayson goes about checking the drains from her incision and the bandages from her shoulder, as the nurse checks her IV and vitals. Dr. Grayson is allowing her time to clear what cobwebs remain.

"Captain, I'm Dr. Grayson, I performed your surgery. I know you must have a lot of questions, and I promise to answer them all, but first you have to promise me to lay still. Promise?"

Receiving a nod from Kate, Grayson proceeds to outline her injuries and the surgery. He assures her if she cooperates, in due time she should make a full recovery. The plan is to have her transferred to a private room later in the day.

"Do you have any questions?" inquires Grayson

"Castle. Where's my husband," Kate takes a deep breath attempting to maintain her composure as tears flood her eyes.

Grayson explains Castle is a few doors down, but he is not his doctor. He offers to have Dr. Wilson stop by and talk to her. Kate nods, offering a whispered thank you and fades away. It's another couple of hours before she awakens again. Her color has improved, her vitals are steady, and there have been no issues with her heart; all indications are Kate Beckett can be transferred out of CICU.

There's someone in her room when she again regains consciousness. Her heartrate spikes alerting the nurse of the change.

"Good afternoon, Captain, I'm your nurse, Jamie. Are you in pain?"

Kate shakes her head but winches as she attempts to move her body. Her right arm is useless, it's bandaged tightly against her chest. She reaches down with her left hand and can feel the bandages around her abdomen. The nurse adjusts her bed, propping her up slightly.

"Your family should be here shortly. Dr. Grayson signed your transfer order, so you should be leaving us soon, we're just waiting on your room," a smiling Jamie advises.

All too familiar with hospital beds, Kate pushes the button and raises herself to a sitting position. "My husband, please, can you tell me how he's doing? Castle, Richard Castle."

The look on her face is answer enough. Bubbly nurse Jamie is suddenly serious and curt.

"I'm sorry, but Mr. Castle is not my patient," Jamie adds.

Kate inhales, trying to hold back the tears that fall without restraint. "I need you to call my husband's doctor and tell them I want to see them," she poignantly adds.

She is agitated and mad. Her imagination is beginning to get the best of her. She refuses to believe her father would lie to her.

A few minutes later Jim and Martha walk in. Martha looks her impeccable self, but no amount of makeup can cover-up the worry and distress masking her face.

"Katherine, kiddo, you gave us quite a fright," adds Martha as she walks in.

In a short painful wisp, Kate pleas, "Martha…" she can't get any other words out before she breaks down.

Martha dabs at Kate's tears and wipes away her own before sitting and taking Kate's hand.

"Katherine, Richard is alive," she reassures her.

Confirmation, true confirmation. The sigh is felt by all in the room. With tears streaming Martha proceeds to tell Kate about Castle's injuries, and his condition but downplays the severity. He is still unconscious and his doctors have agreed it's best to keep him that way for a while.

"I need to see him. Please daddy, I need to see him," she begs, looking from Jim to Martha.

She hasn't' called him daddy since she was nine years old. Jim Beckett rarely sees this vulnerable side of his daughter, and it rips at his heart.

Martha's calm demeanor, though a Tony-worthy performance, takes control.

"Katherine, you need to calm down. You are in no condition to walk around, you just had major surgery. We will talk to Dr. Wilson and Dr. Grayson and we'll see what we can do. Kiddo, Richard is going to need you. He's going to need that strong woman he married, so you need to make sure you recover, and getting yourself all worked up and reinjuring yourself will not help him."

In helpless surrender Kate leans back and nods.

True to their word, when Wilson and Grayson show up for rounds, Jim, and Martha approach. They explain Beckett will find a way to drag herself out of that bed and find Castle. They all agree her recovery will benefit from seeing him. Arrangements are made to allow her to see him as they transfer her out of CICU. Jim returns to her room with Dr. Grayson.

"Well Captain, you're doing much better than the last time I saw you. I understand you refused you last pain mediation," adds Grayson as he looks at her chart.

"I don't like the way it makes me feel. Makes me loopy and groggy," she tells him.

"Yes, I'm sure it does. But it also takes away the pain and allows you to heal. How about I make you a deal? I let you see your husband, and you follow doctor's orders," there's a wicked smile on his face, as he knows he has the upper hand.

Kate brushes the hair off her face and nods. Grayson outlines some ground rules. She will remain in her bed, as she is transferred they will stop and allow her a few moments, but no longer. She will only be able to see him through the glass. Kate agrees and thanks him.

It's five o'clock when they come to move her. She reminds the nurse and attendants of the stop numerous times. It takes several minutes to disconnects and rearrange all her monitors and IV's, but before long she hears the unmistakable click of the bed release and she is in motion. Her father has described Castles condition and tries to prepare her, but when they pull up to his room the gasp is audible.

Her emotions are registered on her monitors, her pulse rises, her breathing increases. Jim is quietly uttering reassuring words in a hushed tone. She is holding her hand against her mouth in an attempt to muzzle her cries, as her tears freely flow. Alexis takes notice and ushers out towards Kate. In years prior she would have lashed out and blamed her, but not now. Katherine Beckett loves her father, and he loves her with a depth that few ever experience. Alexis bends down and gently hugs her. They cry in each other's arms. In what seemed a second, the nurse informs her they must leave.

CHAPTER 7

When she arrives at the private room on the upper floor she can see a tearful Lanie waiting. The attendants look at each other as a nurse walks in, giving Lanie a curious stare.

"I'm Ms. Beckett's primary physician, Dr. Lanie Parish," she states, as she winks at Kate.

It takes a few minutes to get her settled, before the nurse retreats, leaving them alone. Lanie approaches Kate and carefully embraces her. Kate throws her arm around her best friend and cries.

They get to talk for a while before Javier and Ryan show up. As soon as she sees the boys she wipes away her tears, but this time, her emotions betray her. They chit chat for a short time before her pain medication takes effect and she is once again asleep. The room they've given her is obviously a VIP suit, it has a loveseat in a large sitting area. There is a comfy recliner next to Beckett's bed and the room is framed in wood paneling; very swanky.

"How she doin'?" inquires Esposito

"Javi, she's so scared. I've never seen Kate like this. Physically she'll heal. I talked to her surgeon and they expect a full recovery, but she blames herself for Castle. She can't live with that Javi, she just can't," a worried Lanie adds.

Javier Esposito understands. Kate Beckett tries to carry the weight of the world on her shoulders.

Jim, Alexis and Martha visit regularly, giving updates on Castle. Gates and the Commissioner stop by, commending her and assuring her the full force of the NYPD is behind her. So many want to visit Lanie has appointed herself chief gatekeeper and is limiting access for now. Two units are posted at her door and CICU after someone spots a paparazzo roaming Kates floor. Martha makes a call to Paula, who puts an end to any prying eyes. Black Pawn and several other publishing houses threaten to bar any publication from personal interviews with their clients if any unauthorized pictures of Castle or Kate are published. In addition, the Commissioner and the Mayor authorize the immediate arrest of any trespassers, no questions asked.

On day three her catheter and drains are removed. Even with the painkillers, the removal of the drains is painful enough to leave her breathless. For now, she must keep the IV, which is providing much-needed antibiotics and added fluids. After a lot of compromise, she has been connected to a self-controlled analgesia pump, which allows her to control the administration of the painkillers. She still has a low-grade fever along with occasional stomach issues and nausea, but it is all expected. None-the-less she is given the all clear to visit Castle.

She's anxious and fidgety. Lanie is standing by to push her to CICU, she can't wait for the doctor to finish and leave.

Dr. Grayson can see her squirming, he's warned her to take it easy and she has promised, adding, "cross my heart and hoped to die."

Grayson reminds her that's what he's trying to prevent. This elicits a laugh from those in the room. She's assisted to the wheelchair with all her attachments in tow and given the go-ahead.

She arrives at the CICU nervous, but happy she finally gets to touch him. She knows they've gradually reduced use of the ventilator and Castle has been doing well. Today they're taking him off the ventilator and she wanted to be there. She's greeted by Martha and Alexis, the normal two visitor rule having been waived. The tears run freely as she is wheeled closer to his bedside. Alexis, Martha and Lanie excuse themselves leaving her alone with Castle.

She tenderly takes his hand, bringing it up to her lips and places soft kisses to it.

"Castle, can you hear me? Oh God, Babe I love you so much," the words are soft and raspy, interrupted by low cries.

Castle's monitors register a change as his pulse increases. She is startled by the nurse who walks in to check the patient.

"You must be his wife. I'm Lauren, Mr. Castle's nurse. Martha and Alexis have been talking to him all day about you visiting. We've been weaning him off his pain meds, so I think that spike means he can hear you. Dr. Wilson should be here shortly, she'll bring you up to speed." Kate nods and thanks her.

A few minutes' later Martha and Alexis return, and Kate make's an attempt to wipe away her tears.

Martha places her hand on her shoulder tenderly adding, "Katherine sweetheart, you don't have to hide your tears from us."

While Martha comforts Kate, Alexis sits next to her father adding, "You see dad? I told you Kate would be down to see you today. We're all here." Alexis sighs as she too wipes away tears.

They continue to talk to him, planning things they will do once he's out of the hospital. Kate tells him she's holding him to his promised trip to Paris as soon as they can hop on a plane. Alexis demands he take Kate to Rome while they're at it. They are well into discussions of future travels when Dr. Wilson walks in.

"Well, good evening. Captain, it's so good to see you up and about," a smiling Wilson adds.

She pulls up a seat and tells them Castle is improving and all indications are he can breathe unassisted. She will start bringing him out of the sedation and remove the ventilator. Keeping him on the ventilator any longer can increase the chances of pneumonia and other infections. She explains it is an uncomfortable procedure, plus they must prepare in case there are any issues. Due to the cramped space, once he regains consciousness and they prepare to remove the ventilator they will need to wait outside the CICU.

Within a few minutes of the sedative reduction, Castle begins to stir. He appears to be gasping when he open his eyes; a look of total fear and bewilderment masking his face. Kate is holding his hand when he suddenly squeezes it.

Dr. Wilson holds one of his shoulders, and calming adds, "Mr. Castle, I need you to relax. You're in the hospital. The tube in your throat is helping you breathe. If you understand me blink once."

Castle does as instructed and Dr. Wilson continues. He slightly turns his head and see's Kate, tears flood his eyes as he tightens the grasp on her hand. Wilson proceeds to inform him they will be removing the breathing tube and that the Respiratory Technician will talk him through it. Castle blinks again, indicating he understands.

Dr. Wilson can see he is holding on to his wife's hand for dear life. She places her hand atop theirs adding, "Your family is going to step outside while we do this. They will be back the minute we have you all set up."

Castle blinks in acknowledgment and reluctantly let's go. A nurse wheels Kate outside as Martha and Alexis follow.

The technician introduces himself as Daniel and details what he and Dr. Wilson will be doing.

"Mr. Castle, I know you may be in pain, but we need to sit you up a bit to help ease this process."

Daniel presses the bed positioning button, bringing Castle to a forty-five-degree angle. They can tell this has caused some discomfort, as be closes his eyes, expelling a small grunt. They give him a moment and start removing the tape which is securing the endotracheal tube. Dr. Wilson explains it's best if he closes his eyes and follows their instructions. Castle nods and closes his eyes.

In quick succession, Wilson suctions his throat and inserts a new catheter into the trachea via the endotracheal tube. Daniel instructs Castle to take a deep breath and cough as he applies suction. At the peak of Castle's intake, the tube is rapidly removed. The coughing that proceeds causes him excruciating pain; his chest is on fire, his throat raw. They quickly apply oxygen and increase his morphine. She has given him enough to lessen the pain without rendering him unconscious. The technician checks his oxygen levels, picks up all the discarded materials and leaves. Castle is reassured all is well. They know his throat is soar, but it is to be expected. He is advised to limit talking for a few days. He's encouraged to breathe slowly and told to immediately call the nurse if he has any difficulty breathing or additional pain.

Twenty minutes later, Kate, Martha, and Alexis are allowed back in. His eyes are closed, but once he hears the door he turns and smiles. Tears cloud everyone's eyes.

Martha kisses her son, admonishing him for such drama. Alexis can barely contain her smile while tears still fill her eyes. Kate simply holds his hand.

When Kate makes an attempt to stand, she is quickly and sternly reprimanded by Martha. Alexis helps lower the bed rail so Kate can lean her head against him arm. Within fifteen minutes Castle is asleep and Kate is losing steam.

"Katherine, Richard's asleep, we're going to take you back to you room," Martha tells her.

Kate attempts a protest but can't muster the energy.

They return Kate to her room, where the nurse assists her back into bed. Jim and Maddie arrive around seven to a sleeping Kate. For the first time since the shooting, Alexis and Martha go home. Jim assures them he will check on Castle.

The days fall into a routine. Always the organizer, Alexis has arranged a schedule so someone is always with Kate and her father. By day six, Kate is ready to be released, and Castle is ready to be moved to a private room.

He is settled in a large suite, Kate by his side. She can tell something is wrong, his face cannot hide anything from her.

"Castle, what's wrong? Are you in pain?" she asks.

"I don't want you to go home," he adds.

"Babe, they're kicking me out. But I'll be here every day to wake you up, and kiss you good-night. Gates assigned a car and driver to me, Espo and Ryan have temporary duty," she says with a laugh.

He's serious, her comment not eliciting any laughter. His look is distant and concerned.

"Kate, I don't want you to go back to the loft. Check into the Plaza, the Four Seasons, anywhere you want," he has tears in his eyes, the memories raw.

"Castle, the loft is our home…" she says in a hush.

"No Kate, the loft is just an apartment, our home is wherever we make it," he adds.

"Babe, I'll make you a deal. When you get out of the hospital we will talk about it and make a decision. Whatever you want to do if fine by me. For now, Martha and Alexis have both moved back and Gates has a twenty-four-hour detail there. Castle, we're safe," she adds, softly kissing his lips.

She herself has reservations, but Dr. Burke has visited often and provided some counseling. She and Castle will be scheduling regular visits once he's released. Her PTSD reared its ugly head one night, her screams summoning the nurses at a full run.

The loft has been cleaned, repainted and redecorated. Knowing Kate would be released within a week, Martha lead an army of professional crime scene cleaners recommended by Lanie and a designer sent by Gina and Paula. Every inch has been cleaned, the floors were redone, the walls repainted and the stove changed.

She gets released by Grayson under threats of physical restraint if she returns with any damage due to not following his orders. She is not to lift anything heavier than a toothbrush, get at least eight hours of sleep and rest when tired. She can walk, but is prohibited from any strenuous activity. She must do her breathing exercises, attend physical therapy and take all her medicine, including painkillers. So far Kate only complains when he adds she can only shower, no baths for two weeks. Lanie and Martha are there and assure Grayson all order will be followed.

Though her paperwork was done by five, at eight o'clock that night Martha must insist she go home. Castle is asleep and Kate looks worn. Esposito and Ryan have established a command post in Castle's room, making Kate feel better about going home.

CHAPTER 8

The ride to the loft is quiet. Since the shooting Black Pawn has provided Martha a car and driver. Today they have sent a limo to make sure everyone is comfortable. The car is escorted by two NYPD units.

Eduardo is there, well past his shift to greet her. Esposito mentioned he has taken it hard and feels responsible. Caleb Brown got past him and he will never forgive himself. Kate takes a seat in one of the lobby chairs and calls Eduardo over.

"Captain Beckett, I'm so happy to see you," Eduardo says as he approaches.

"Eduardo, please sit," she motions. "I wanted to thank you. Mr. Castle and I heard how you called 911 and directed the officers. You saved our lives, Eduardo," she humbling states.

Eduardo is taken aback. He has tears in his eyes. He knows she's trying to ease his conscience, but he will never forgive himself.

The ride up to the penthouse is nerve wracking. The elevator seems to take forever, and the silence is deafening. She takes a deep breath and holds on to Martha's hand, giving it a squeeze.

"You okay kiddo?" asks a concerned Martha.

She nods, just as the elevator come to a stop. She's relieved to see her father and Alexis as the doors part, the look evident to all.

"Katie, are you sure you're ready for this? You can come home with me, or we can check you into a hotel," a worried Jim Beckett adds.

"No dad, this is my home, and Caleb Brown has taken enough from me, he won't take this too!"

She's adamant, and with a determined step walks into the loft.

She makes it as far as the sofa before she needs to sit and rest. She can see the subtle changes in the shade of paint, the new flooring, and rugs.

"Thank you," she says to no one in particular.

"Whatever for?" replies Martha.

"For taking care of things, for cleaning up the mess I made," she whimpers.

"Katherine Beckett!" reprimands Martha.

"You were not responsible for what happened here. You, Katherine, saved my sons live. You shot that bastard after being shot twice, you are a hero. You, my girl, put an end to a corrupt network of drug smugglers, crooked politicians, and murderers. Do I make myself clear?" demands Martha.

Kate hiccups, holding back the pain it causes and hugs her mother-in-law.

"Now come on, you need to get some sleep. Remember eight hours," Martha adds.

With Alexis' help, Kate changes into one of Castle's old worn t-shirt she has re-appropriated brushes her teeth, takes her medicine and goes to bed.

It's two in the morning when Alexis is awakened by Kate screaming her father's name. Alexis had taken residence in her father's office to be near in case Kate needed something. She rushes in, reassuring a trembling Kate that everything is fine. Once Kate calms, Alexis takes a chair from the den and settles in next to the bed.

For the next two weeks, the days fall into repetitive motion. Mornings they have a quick breakfast while they wait on their driver. They drive to the hospital, Martha and Alexis say hello and go about their day. At noon they have lunch, afterward, Kate attends physical therapy while Castle naps. Visitors come and go, Ryan and Esposito are never far away. Beckett leaves after Castle eats dinner. The nightmares are sporadic but always as frightful, and most mornings she can't recall them.

She visits Dr. Burke and talks to Castle about him seeing someone too. They talk about Paris, Rome and other adventures, but the gorilla in the room is ignored. LokStat, Caleb Brown and Mason Wood are never mentioned.

Castle is coming up on thirteen days in the hospital when Dr. Wilson determines he can go home. He will have to continue with respiratory therapy, follow all medical instructions to the letter, and make weekly visits to Dr. Asad.

Castle is ecstatic, "Now I know how it feels to get paroled," he quips.

The next day Kate arrives to find a waiting Castle. The nurses have informed her Dr. Asad has not signed off on his discharge and they must wait, Castle is as anxious as a five-year-old on Christmas morning. By noon, he is threatening to walk out without any approval. Kate laughs, as Ryan and Esposito block the door and dare him to try. At two Asad finally arrives, checks his vitals, and proceeds to remove his sutures. The incisions have healed nicely and Asad reminds Castle it is normal to experience itching, tightness or numbness along the areas. He is to keep the areas clean and dry and if he experiences any redness, swelling, oozing or warmth around the area he is to call him immediately.

Alexis, Martha and Jim are all at the loft. Eduardo greets them, taking the bag from the driver and riding up with them to the penthouse. Castle adamantly refused a wheelchair be sent home with him and insisted on walking. Castle is still slow and deliberate in his steps and Esposito and Ryan carefully watch, in case he or Kate stumble.

They enter the loft to cheers from the family. He makes it to the living room before he has to rest. Kate sits next to him holding his hand, glad to have him home. He's lost a substantial amount of weight. His jeans are being held in place by his belt and his shirt hangs on his body. His usual tan has faded and the loss of weight has created a sunken look to his face. He looks older, and she swears he's gotten grayer. But she doesn't care, she'll take him in any condition. She would die without him.

He dutifully takes his medicine and enjoys a light, but tasty dinner with Kate, Alexis, and Martha. Maddie has catered a special meal for them and has stated she will do so until further notice. They both know how lucky they are to have the friends they have.

Kate is still under strict orders not to lift anything heavier than a sandwich, so Alexis and Martha are in residence for the duration.

After dinner, Castle excuses himself and retreats to the bedroom. They are both tired and make an early night of it. Getting into bed becomes a production, each afraid to hurt the other. They finally settle, kiss goodnight and fall asleep holding hands.

By the second week, they have fallen into a routine. Alexis and Martha are still staying at the loft but make themselves scarce during the day. The respiratory and physical therapists arrive every day at ten and a trainer recommended by Dr. Asad visits with them both between two and three in the afternoon. They can both now make it around the block, and though Kate is still under orders not to lift anything heavy, Castle has started some light weight training.

Kate has been sleeping through the night, but Castle in restless. On the ninth night home, he awakens sobbing, drenched in sweat, having a panic attack. Kate cannot calm him, she call's out to Alexis, who rushes downstairs. It takes them half an hour to settle him down, but he is still hypervigilant.

"Kate, we have to move! Tomorrow we call a realtor and find a new place. Promise me, Kate, promise we can move," he's pacing, wringing his hands.

"Castle, I promise tomorrow we can talk about this and if you want to sell the loft and move, we'll move," she assures him.

She reaches for him in an attempt to comfort him, but he pulls away.

"No! We will look for a new place tomorrow. Kate, I don't need to sell the loft to buy a new place. It sells when it sells, I don't care. I just need to …" he closes his eyes, and breaks down.

"He shot me, Kate. He shot us! He was going to shoot me in the head when you walked out and killed him. Every time I close my eyes I see him. I can't stand to walk in that kitchen…" Exhausted and defeated he puts his face in his hands and sighs.

"We'll call Paula in the morning. I'm sure she knows a good agent," she tells him as she cradles him to her chest.

The gorilla in the room has to be addressed. Sure they can move, but as long as Caleb Brown and LokStat remain off bounds, they will forever shadow over them. She picks up her phone and calls Esposito. Tomorrow he and Ryan need to come over and brief them on everything. She explains what happened and lets Espo know it may not be easy, but it needs to be done.

"And Espo, bring everything; including the pictures." She braces herself, even she doesn't know if she's ready for this.

In the morning, Castle calls Paula and gets the private number to one of Manhattan's leading real estate agents. He calls and makes an appointment. Because he and Kate are not up for long stretches of walking, he requests virtual tours. Brenda Causwell will be at the loft at four.

CHAPTER 9

The boys arrive at ten-thirty, three huge folders in tow. Esposito tells them they are there to brief them and finish the close-out memo for the LokStat case and their shooting. Beckett shows them to the den and both she and Castle follow.

Esposito can see Castle's uneasy, but he knows this must be done.

"We're gonna be as quick as possible, but this will explain some things we didn't know before." He proceeds to lay out documents and pictures, including a dead Caleb Brown on their kitchen floor.

Esposito explains that Mason Wood and Caleb Brown met up while Caleb was in the Peace Corp. Caleb was using his stint as a front for low-level smuggling as well as a prostitution ring overseas. The Peace Corp was a perfect ruse. While purchasing some heroin, he got busted by some dirty cops in the Philippines and that's how he met up with Mason.

Mason was finishing up his stint with the CIA but was branching out on his own. For years, he had been trading CIA guns and Intel for drugs. He'd made a lot of connections and he knew a lot of people. He was always able to make everyone believe he was a bigger boggy man than he really was. Caleb's dirty cops were on his payroll. He saw potential in Caleb and brought him into his organization. Mason was happy with his operation, but it was Caleb who expanded the business and brought it to the east coast. Bracken had once helped Mason after one of his goons got arrested by NYPD. After Bracken had the charges dropped the goon's body showed up as a floater. Bracken connected the dots and bought into Mason's cartel. Eventually, Mason needed bigger and better connections and with Bracken already on the payroll they both saw the opportunity. Vulcan Simmons enters the picture when they need a larger distribution network. Simmons exceeded their expectation, and before long they had a pipeline nationwide, funneling their heroine through New York.

Mason retained his contacts in the CIA and occasionally they'd use him as a freelancer, allowing him to keep relevant. That's how Castle crossed paths with him. After Castle helped with that little mission in Thailand, he shared an airplane ride with Mason. Castle overheard a conversation Mason was having with Simmons, put two and two together and there you have it. When they landed in LA, Mason shot at Castle but just grazed him. When Castle's handlers finally located him again, he demanded to have his memory erased.

"Castle, you knew like Beckett, you would never let it go, so you tried to protect Beckett by forgetting," added Ryan.

Through his contacts, Mason found out about the memory sweep and figured he was safe. He kept a tail on you for a while.

Esposito goes on to explain Mason knew a lot of really bad guys, guys that owed him, guys, he helped disappear, guys, he bought. When Vikram discovered LokStat, Mason panicked. Not knowing how far the information went, or who exactly knew what, he started killing people. That's when everything starting unraveling.

"Mason and Caleb didn't understand the force they were against," adds Esposito.

Ryan proceeds to detail how the CIA knew they had a dirty agent but were never able to discover whom. They were looking for someone active, not a ghost. Mason managed to infiltrate the organization with low-level informants and tech people, so he was always one step ahead of them. When Kate made the connection between LokStat and Caleb they hashed out the plan to eliminate them. Caleb figured the best way was to set them up. Mason knew Caleb was getting too big for his britches but figured he could still control him. When we discovered the burnt body and the DNA identified the body as Caleb, Mason thought he could end it and kill you both. But things got complicated and he had to call in that specialist. The place they used was an old special ops local. One of Mason's shell companies bought the building years ago. Through back channels they managed to buy off the company paid to dismantle the facilities interrogation chambers. It was their central operations hub. As far as anyone knew, it was still a government facility. Esposito can clearly see the distress on Castle's face. He takes a moment, but then soldiers on.

Ryan advises they took twenty-seven people into custody at the facility. They secured all the surveillance videos from the building, and no one got away. Mason is at a supermax facility. He's been deemed a national security threat. There will be no trial. His buddy, Castle's interrogator, unfortunately, suffered some kind of blood poisoning and died while being transferred. Lanie along with a federal medical examiner performed the autopsy.

"Castle, Beckett, this is going to be difficult. I have pictures of your crime scene. I don't need to show them to you. But if you want to see them, I will," adds Ryan.

Castle and Kate look at each other, Castle and Kate both shake their heads.

"No, we don't need to see them. We trust you guys," Castle replies.

Ryan takes a deep breath and continues.

"Mason had the M.E.'s DNA system hacked. The DNA was misidentified as Caleb through this breach. Once everything went south, Mason figured Caleb had fled; after all everyone though he was dead. But Caleb knew better, he knew you two would figure it out."

"He said as much when he shot me. He told me he had warned Mason we were too smart and would figure it out," utters Castle in a whisper.

Ryan and Esposito nod, and Esposito continues.

"We see Caleb on surveillance video gain entry to your building through the rear delivery entrance. It's obvious he cased your place. He waited for the morning rush of residents heading out when the front staff is business and not paying close attention. Once inside, he waited for you to arrive, accessing your loft through the side entrance. We're pretty sure he intended to kill you both, kill Eduardo and take the surveillance videos. After all, he was a dead man."

The boy's tell them NYPD Intelligence Unit is still sorting things out but have currently run out of storage room for confiscated narcotics. They've arrested twenty-eight civilians and an additional twelve federal employees. They closed down a waste collection company, a freight forwarder, a bakery and two restaurants. They have also, confiscated four jets, three warehouses, and enough vehicles to open their own used car lot. The feds are cooperating and have no problem taking a backseat on the narcotic's case and Calen Brown's shooting. Kate has been cleared and no further investigation is warranted. Esposito adds that he himself heard Gates threaten the feds with a nice NYPD holding cell if they even looked her way.

"Caleb Brown is dead. Lanie and Perlmutter performed the autopsy. He had no next of kin, so his body was cremated. Perlmutter personally transported the body and watched it incinerate. There is no more Caleb Brown, there is no more LokStat," added Esposito.

Esposito and Ryan take the files and say their farewells. Castle remains in the office as Kate accompanies them to the door. A collective sigh can be heard. Kate returns to find a quiet and somber Castle. She had brought him his medicine and a small bowl of ice cream. He smiles and takes her hand.

"You know, the realtor is coming at four," he adds, as he places his pill atop his spoonful of ice cream and chumps down.

"Yeap, I know," she answers.

"Kate, if you don't want to move, I'll try, but…" he softly adds

"Castle, I don't care about the loft. Sell it, leave it vacant, give it to Alexis or Martha, I really could care less. All I want is to be with you, and if you want to move, I move. I will follow you to the ends of the earth. We've made memories here, but we'll make new memories wherever we go," she adds, as she bends down and kisses him.

For the first time in almost a month, they share a passionate kiss. When they finally part, he smiles and grunts.

The realtor arrives promptly at four. They agree to locations in SoHo and Manhattan, but he wants something far from his current address. He wants a penthouse, in a top notch secured building with twenty-four-hour concierge and security. Kate's only request is that it's close to the subway. Brenda Causwell laughs, not realizing Kate is dead serious. Castle would like five bedrooms, so they each get an office and have a spear room for each Martha and Alexis. A dedicated media room for movies and video games would be an added bonus and they need at least four bathrooms. He wants a gourmet kitchen and a view. When asked if they'll be selling the loft, Castle tells her it is currently not for sale.

CHAPTER 10

They both continue to heal. Kate is placed on leave with pay for six months, by order of the Police Commissioner. Castle has started to see the psychologist recommended by Dr. Burke and both he and Beckett are doing much better. The nightmares have eased, as have the panic attacks.

Brenda Causwell continues to show them properties, but Kate dismisses them all as "too ostentatious."

"Kate, anything that costs over twenty million dollars is going to be ostentatious," laughs Castle during the last showing.

There are still physical limits for them both. Castle has gained some of his weight back and is doing well. Kate still has some recurring stomach issues but is improving daily. Her liver is regenerating and aside from not tolerating cucumbers, her diet has returned to normal.

It's been over two months and their sex life is nonexistent, and both are growing frustrated. So when Dr.'s Asad and Grayson give them the okay to travel to the Hamptons, they are delighted. Castle hires a car and they head out that same afternoon.

She feels like that first time he brought her out to the Hamptons. The housekeeper has opened up the house at a moment's notice. There's a note advising the fridge and pantry are stocked and they are to call if they need anything. They take a nap and rise just before sunset. Kate wants to go for a swim and Castle abides, although he knows once the sun sets it will be nippy out. But the pool is heated, so once inside they'll be warm.

The pool provides a perfect place for her. Still limited when it comes to strenuous activity, the buoyancy of the water gives her a freedom she hasn't had since the shooting. She floats and Castle watches her. He can't get enough of his wife. She will always amaze him. She swims towards him, pinning him against the steps, locking onto his lips with a passionate kiss they haven't shared in a while.

"Kate, don't start something we can't finish," a breathless Castle murmurs.

"Oh, we can finish. Checked with the doc, so long as we're in the pool and we're …" She has barely gotten the last word out before his lips are back on hers.

The water is warm, they can hear the waves from the near-by shore. He is gentle, patient and so loving it brings tears to her eyes. She softly caresses his scar, kissing it all the way down. They make love and stay in the warmth of the water as they watch the sun set.

They sleep in the next morning, calling for the car around ten. They make a run to the diner, have a great breakfast and do some light shopping. Kate picks up a book at the used book store, and Castle buys her flowers. The fragrance of the lilies is intoxicating. They are perfect, pale pink with vibrant rose-colored edges.

They spend four days relaxing, making love and walking along the beach. They agree to get serious about a new place and sell the loft. In a surprise announcement Kate tells Castle she has asked for a leave of absence from the NYPD. Gates has assured her, her position is there whenever she returns. For now, she tells him all she wants to do is be Mrs. Castle. Rick kisses her, laughs and says he needs to call Ryan and Esposito to see what the bets are on her return.

Six weeks later they have narrowed it down to two properties. Castle has fallen in love with a full floor penthouse apartment with thirteen rooms and fifteen bathrooms, but Kate refuses to sign off on anything that has more toilets than her high school. Kate has indicated a preference for a townhouse in the West Village. It has six bedroom and six bathrooms, a lovely courtyard, Castle's gourmet kitchen, his bonus media room and a library. Castle is hesitant since it has no doorman or security, but Kate tells him they can install a state of the art security system with twenty-four-hour monitoring. It also has a carriage house that has been converted to a two car garage. Kate almost faints when they finally get a walk through and Brenda tells them it's a steal at twenty-six point five million. Castle makes an offer and seals the deal.

It's been four months and life is returning to normal, or as normal as circumstances will allow. They've fallen into a routine. Castle cooks breakfast, they eat, and Kate reads while he writes. They have a light lunch, go out for a walk, run errands, come home and settle in. Some nights they go out to dinner, alone or with friends. Every other Wednesday Castle has poker night and Kate visits Lanie or Maddie. Plans are moving forward for the move to the West Village, the current owners have asked for sixty days and Castle agrees. Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas will be at the new house.

It's three in the morning when she barely makes it to the bathroom. She throws up until nothing is left in her stomach. Just as she thinks it's over, she dry heaves yet again. A concerned and scared Castle calls Dr. Grayson. Although no longer under any medical restrictions, the panic on both their faces is evident. He reaches the doctor's after hour's service and is advised Grayson will call him back. Five minutes later, which seemed an eternity to Castle, Grayson calls. He's at New York Presbyterian and will wait for them in the ER.

The doorman hails them a cab, Castle is holding a small plastic trashcan, where Kate has already vomited into twice. They make it to the ER fifteen minutes after talking with Grayson. Kate is taken into an examination room immediately. Grayson assures them it's probably something she ate, but he will run some test. He lets her know he can't give her anything for the nausea and vomiting until the results come back. Until then, a dutiful Castle holds the trashcan with one hand and her hair with the other.

Soon Grayson returns with news and test results. Castle cannot read him and is visibly concerned.

"Have a seat Mr. Castle, you're looking pale," Grayson tells him.

He continues, now addressing Kate. "Well Captain, all but one test came back negative. Your liver appears to be just fine. Your last scan indicates it has regenerated accordingly and all its functions are normal."

Castle interrupts, not having missed that one test had not come back negative.

"Doctor, you said, one test was not negative. What's wrong with her? Why is she throwing up? We both had the same thing for dinner, so it can't be that," a concerned Castle adds in rapid fire.

"Mr. Castle, I assure you your wife will be just fine," adds Grayson.

Kate lifts her head and asks Grayson if he can prescribe something for the nausea, just before she throws up again.

"It appears congratulations are in order, Captain. You're pregnant," a grinning Grayson adds.

Castle drops the trashcan and stares at Grayson, not sure of what he just heard.

"I'm what?" a wide-eyed Kate asks.

"Pregnant Mrs. Castle, that test was positive," repeats Grayson.

He congratulates a pale and silent Castle and advises Kate to make an appointment with her OB-GYN. They will need to monitor her liver function closely, but he sees no issues that will affect her pregnancy or vice versa. He recommends saltines to help with the morning sickness as well as plenty of fluids.

They ride back to the loft in stunned silence. The nausea has passed and though tired, Kate is feeling fine. Castle, on the other hand, is not looking so good.

"Castle? Are you okay? I know we haven't exactly planned it, but…" She can't continue, emotions overtake her and she begins to cry.

"Oh Kate, please don't cry. I'm so happy, I'm dumbstruck… I'm in shock! Here I was thinking something was terribly wrong and it's something so, so wonderful. I'm speechless." Castle takes her and kisses her, wiping away her tears.

"We're having a baby!" he yells.

"I taste like throw-up, stop kissing me you idiot," she manages through a smile and some tears.

"Is that any way to talk to the father of your child?" he adds with a chuckle.

Seven weeks later they move into the townhouse. Life continues as they make new memories and await the arrival of the baby. Everyone is ecstatic. She has to limit Castle to one baby item a week, as he attempts to buy every gadget on the market. He insists each item is a must.

Lily Katherine Castle is born in early May. With her mother's hazel, green eyes and brown hair Richard Castle knows he's in for some trouble.

Life is good.

 **THE END**


End file.
